The Intersection Between Hyperfeminity and Hypermasculinity: Pick Your Poison!

I have been meaning to share my thoughts about the image of Black men for quite some time. Being raised by a woman and growing up around women, I am more than qualified to address the controversial representation of a Black man from a masculine and feminine perspective. Black men have it tough. The prevalence of absent fathers and lack of male role models has many Black men confused about who to be. As a result, Black boys often lean towards exaggerated representations of themselves. Black males' are subject to misguided developments that often produce hyperfeminine or hypermasculine men. 

It has always been a mystery to me how women see issues with hypermasculine men but empower hyperfeminine men. It is only fair that hyperfeminine men receive some analysis too. My hope is that after this blog individuals will see that hyperfeminine men can pose as much a threat to women as hypermasculine men. I argue that in some cases hyperfeminine men are more threatening and destructive because they are welcomed with open arms into spaces traditionally occupied by women. 

Strangely, some women willingly share the rights they fought like hell to receive with a man if he is willing to psychologically castrate himself and bask in a woman's point of view. There will be those that will reject my point of view but any individual who is willing, to be honest, knows that it is highly unlikely that a hypermasculine man can invade women's spaces without receiving a lashing for trying such an offense. 

Countless feminists have dedicated their lives to exposing the toxicity that comes from men who perpetuate what they call "toxic masculinity. Before unpacking what is a hyperfeminine male, I will start with the genesis of how a Black man becomes hyperfeminine in the first place. Hyperfeminine Black males develop in environments saturated in femininity, with Black mothers and or aunts serving as the primary influencers. In general, effeminate men usually grow up with sisters, female cousins and mainly befriend females outside of the home because their experiences inhibit their ability to connect with other guys. 

However, Black boys from feminized environments are not guaranteed to develop feminine mannerisms or a woman's mindset. But, most men who develop in feminized environments are more in tune with their emotions and can read women's emotions, making them great companions to women if they can distinguish themselves from women. We will talk more about that later. The dividing line that indicates whether Black boys from feminized environments will adopt a feminine mindset is whether they buy into the feminine perspective. 

On the other side, Black boys raised by women may unconsciously reject the feminine perspective and adopt a masculine mindset. The boys that follow this path see more value in being like other males, and they grow up with an imagined masculine experience to replace the lack of male representation in their lives. Unfortunately, an imagined masculine experience leads boys to exaggerate their manhood by doubling down on all things they perceive to be masculine. Eventually, repeated attempts to live up to the ideal male can create hypermasculine personalities. Most Black men who were not raised by their fathers will to some degree, struggle with their identities. In some cases, this encourages males to become womanizers, to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy.

The reverse of the womanizer pathway is the male that cannot distinguish himself from women. He may act effeminate, but often he does not. This boy considers it acceptable for a woman to take care of him. He tends to compete with women for importance, has similar attitudes and entitlements commonly seen in women. He has little interest in being a provider. He is a selfish lover and thinks more about himself than his children and likely anyone outside his mother. 

These boys adopt the "if mama is not happy, then no one is" approach to how they reign in their households. They are a perfect combination of entitlement, victimhood, emotional instability, childishness, and passive-aggressiveness. In general, these self-centered boys will bounce from one woman to the next, always ending up with a woman willing to self-degrade to take care of them.  Women that take care of grown men tend to have low self-esteem and daddy issues of their own. 

These men tend to have a few unique qualities: they always come back home, they are charming and probably attractive. They are not going anywhere because their women provide them with all they need (e.g., entertainment, sex, and funding their delusional dreams). They can be charming to ensure no one detects their real motives. Furthermore, they depend on their good looks like a Jezebel, who seeks out men to take care of her. By now, you can see in what way these men are effeminate. It is not in their mannerisms but their thought processes and expectations to be cared for. One thing about gender roles is that their absurdity is most notable when men and women switch roles. 

Now, I will explain the guy that is effeminate through his mannerisms. There are two categories for men with external feminine characteristics. One guy is effeminate only by mannerisms, and the other is womanly from the inside out and is likely gay or identifies as transgender to avoid having to admit he is gay. One size does not fit all, but too often, this is the case. Men that only act feminine through external characteristics does so unconsciously. There are a variety of ways this can happen. Some boys were emasculated by their mothers, abused by either parent, or violated in some way.  

Some parents unconsciously break their children like a horse breeder breaks his horses. Breaking a boy is particularly harmful because it can cause insecurities regarding his ability to grow into a man. When young boys are scared and do not feel strong, they are likely to cling harder to their mothers and, will over time, develop mothers' ways. Another way a boy can develop feminine mannerisms is when he never could bond with his father. Failure to bond with his father can send him back to his mother to seek validation. A mother being the sole validating force in a boy's life can lead to devastating consequences for the child's development.

In many cases, the child rejects himself, which includes his masculine inheritance. Because he has no conscious intentions or desires to be like a woman, he can still develop a male's mindset by adopting a masculine mentality no different from the overcompensating males discussed earlier. However, because our mannerisms and ways we connect and relate to people have formed by five, it may be too late for a child to develop the essence of a man. He may spend his life feeling he does not measure up to other males.

Now, the individuals who adopt a woman's essence and mindset can have gone through any of the things I discussed. However, the significant differences are that they are conscious and often purposely act like women. The other significant difference is that these children have endured trauma. Their demeanors and mentalities are trauma responses. They are acting out like a girl whose mother or peers refer to her as a whore, and as a result, she becomes just that. These boys growing into men can come across resentful, at times hateful, and may purposely present themselves in ways they know will get an adverse reaction. They are not at peace with themselves, therefore, the world. They rarely recover from the trauma and live in a world full of women, which for them is secretly depressing. 

The influx of Black women willing to glorify men acting out stereotypical depictions of women is concerning. To pat on the back a Black male perpetrating as a woman makes many Black women complicit in helping men destroy themselves which further reveals that a mother who is present can be even worse than a father who is not.  Ironically, these same women will complain about the shortage of good men while at the same time feminizing their sons and teaching their daughters how to become emasculating terrors in their own right.  A man portraying himself as a woman is not a cause of celebration; it is a tragedy. 

The friendship between many Black women and wannabe women, men, is an impossibility. Their union is rooted in brokenness that translates through the darkness. Not only are they not friends, they actually are enemies. A person cannot envy you and love you at the same time as demonstrated by the tragic death of Selena Quintanilla. Many men who think and live like women are why a down-low culture exists for so-called straight men to visit. 

To clarify, womens' male gal pals, are screwing their men, laughing in their faces while reminding them during confrontations that gay boys do it better. I cannot count how many times a Black woman and a gay man have got together to frolic over the rumors and suspicions that a married man, pastor, or highly recognized individual is being outed for being on the down-low. By the way, outing someone in the gay community is supposed to be a no-go. Nevertheless, they celebrate outed mens' downfalls like a kid who sinks his opponents' ship in a game of Battleship. The question I have is, so what did you all win? The truth is, it is just miserable frenemies brought together by the one thing they have in common, the men they want do not want them.

Let us recap this foolishness: a man wishes he was a woman so much that he would be willing to sleep with a man who supposedly belongs to another woman he claims is his friend. This same man would do this knowing a relationship with a down-low man will never materialize beyond private hook-ups. They could never be together because the man identifies as straight probably has a wife and kids and no one is supposed to know they have any association. 

These gay men are rarely being paid for their services. In many cases, they are honored to be with a "straight" man because it is as close to masculinity as many of these self-proclaimed queens will get. Since they cannot beat them, they will join them in whatever way they can. They are solely participating for the experience and to, for a moment, have what their girl pals have. 

The fact that a gay man will bypass every available gay man to be involved with a man he can never have suggests the "sisterhood" is false. When one takes a step back and considers the structure of the down-low, they will realize that a gay man that sleeps with a so-called straight man is selling his soul. A gay man that lies with a "straight" guy that is too ashamed to acknowledge their experience together probably hates himself. It makes you call into question gay pride; it appears that for some, it is all smoke and mirrors.🤔