The Mama's Boy Curse

What is a mama's boy?

The absence of a psychological and emotional connection between father and son or the father is not present is why many boys become mama's boys. 

Being a mama's boy is thought of as an adorable way to say there is an unbreakable bond between a mother and her son. Mama's boys' have unquestioned support for their mothers, and their love is unconditional, and they assume the love is reciprocated. Often, this is the case unless there is a man involved that serves as a barrier between mother and son. Some mothers do an exceptional job managing their dating and marital life while also meeting the needs of their sons. 

However, many women, especially those who are broken, wounded, or insecure, fall into the trap of allowing damaged and deceitful men into their lives. These men create toxic environments that detrimentally impact the long-term relationship between mothers and their sons, which explains why being a mama's boy is not always good. Men often mistreat boys they do not have a bond with or are not their sons. These scenarios can put mothers in compromising positions where they are forced to choose between the man and the child. 

Women who are not mentally and emotionally healthy tend to choose their trauma and pain over their children; this tends to manifest itself as the selection of a man that reflects their deepest wounds, fears, and insecurities regarding love and attachment. When this happens, the son's life is a roller coaster, and he does not know if he is having fun or having motion sickness. Although his love is unwavering, his frustration grows at his mother's inconsistency between what she claims her son means to her yet continually allows him to be collateral damage in her adult intimate relationships. 

Eventually, the distractions or band-aids mothers use to patch their sons up after another inexcusable occurrence no longer suffices. One day the son finally will see her for what she is and realize the bond is not what he thought it to be. Their bond is not healthy and desperately needs to be broken. For years, the mother sucked the love, loyalty, and adoration she should have been getting from her lover out of her son. These mothers are not different from emotional vampires who establish one-sided relationships with great listeners that offer excellent advice. Like emotional vampires going AWOL when it is time to be a reciprocal friend, when it is time for mama to make a sacrifice and have her son's back, she will fail with flying colors. 

I write the blog for all the young men still hamsters in wheels, loving their mothers like they love Christ but suffer countless letdowns because of her decisions. You were not born to be a sacrificial lamb for a woman who refuses to prioritize your physical, psychological, and emotional well-being over her dysfunction and needs to be loved by men she doesn't need. Nor were you born to take the abuse of an invalidating father, stepfather, or boyfriend that, regardless of what mama tells you, you know isn't right. Start the freeing process so that you can begin the healing process.

Beware of These Types of Stepdads

I am back for another episode of what the hell is wrong with people. They never lied when they said God has a sense of humor. My life experiences and background in psychology allow me to naively believe that I know something about life, that I have seen it all. God continues to show me that I have not encountered every situation, and as long as I live, there will always be more to learn.

In the most recent foolery, my wife linked me with a young man needing development to reach his athletic goals. Generally, Black males that aren't already jumping out of the gym and first across the finish line do not garner the interest of coaches, especially White coaches at predominantly White high schools. This particular kid is a 16-year-old sophomore that plays a variety of sports. He is not satisfied with his performance in any sport, and the issue is his speed.

I have studied sprinting for over 15 years, and I can help an athlete build their speed in my sleep. Our pairing made sense. I thought track & field brought us together, but eventually, it became clear our relationship had nothing to do with the sport. I am a social psychologist, and it was never my intention to psychoanalyze this child or any people in his life. However, when you are around people, you naturally learn things, and sometimes those things are concerning. 

First, I noticed his "dad" had a lot of rules and strict punishments, similar to my father. He told me he would get in trouble a lot and would describe these punishments. My initial reaction was, DAMN! All that punishment seems excessive, but I paid it no mind. During the period my father was in my life, he also had strict and absurd rules. Kids can survive strict parents when their parents actually love them and are responsive to their psychological and emotional needs. 

One day after a training session, he shared that his father is his stepdad, but he calls him dad. At this point, I was confused. I asked where your real dad is? He said he had never met him, and his mom says he was in prison. My antennas were up, but I still was not going to invest energy in trying to understand his home dynamic until one day. He shared that he learned that his stepdad was not his real dad in middle school. I said, WHAT? He explained that he had a friend who had a stepdad and casually asked his mom if he had a stepdad, and she admitted that his father is his stepdad. 

He told me he was pissed. He could not believe that he was listening to this man who wasn't his father all this time. As I expected, he began getting into trouble at school and incomes all these harsh punishments from pseudo-daddy. I explained to him that he was acting out because he felt betrayed. His behavior did not reflect him being a bad kid heading down a dangerous, irreversible path. I told him his feelings were valid, and his reactions were realistic. 

I could tell my words resonated with him, and that began a relationship that transcended coach and athlete and began to resemble big brother, little brother. He would continue to tell me about his life, not realizing I was horrified by the details. I knew he was 16, without options, so all I could do was listen. He was years away from my honest opinions. As I began to pay attention, I noticed he was missing the essentials that he needed for training. Usually, I would say tell your mother or dad you need XYZ, but I did not do that.

I bought everything for him. Some may ask why you would overstep like this and provide all these materials for this child? He was always concerned with money and would talk about needing a job to get the things he needed so he would not have to ask his parents. He said he does not like to ask his parents for anything, and he only asks his mom for gas money. As we walked to the track, I stopped him and asked him, do your parents always remind you how much money they spend on you.? YES! he exasperated. That is why I want my own money. 

By now, I am starting to read his life like a script, partly because I have lived a lot of it, witnessed situations like it, and have helped people overcome it. I was already training this kid for free, which is worth $100's, so who cares if I buy him some shoes, right? Unannounced to me, pseudo-daddy was fuming. He was making his list and checking it twice. His "son," whom he was really not interested in, was building a bond with someone else, and it had not even been a month. The boy was full of joy and hope for his future. He finally believed he would get to where he was trying to go and someone to go there with him.

In comes insecure Mad Max. Like my own father, he creates his facts, also known as lies. They love to demonize people with false narratives and use brute force to silence rebuttals from sounder minds. Mad Max used a situation unrelated to me or training to move against my integrity and remove me from his "son's" life forever. The auto-theft light would not allow my trainee's vehicle to start. He faced timed me asking if I knew what the light meant. I gave instructions on how to turn it off, but nothing was working. I said I would come down and help. We spent 1.5 hours trying everything the manual and internet suggested could fix the problem, but nothing worked. 

He was full of anxiety throughout the experience because he was afraid to call his parents. He said he knew they would be upset and would blame him. He swore all he did was turn the ignition, and this happened. I made a little joke and said, " Well, they may be upset, but it's not like you will get your ass beat " Then he said probably. That moment was awkward because it felt like admission to abuse, but I was unsure if he was upset and exaggerating or if a beating was imminent. My spider senses were tingling, and I had a feeling that his pseudo-father was a jealous man and would take offense to me being there. I asked multiple times, do I need to be gone before they get here? He reassured me numerous times that it should be fine.

The kid could not have been any more wrong. He dials his mom on speakerphone. He tells her his car will not start and the reason why. Instantly she goes into a state of irritation, dismissing what he said happened and accusing him of having done something wrong. She goes into irrelevant details like how long she drove the car without having issues. By her logic, an 18-year-old vehicle can't malfunction because it worked fine for her when Bush was in office. She says, " Well, I guess I will have to go get your daddy." I knew by the way she said the last sentence this was likely to turn sour for this kid. However, I did not think it would get turned around on me. 

I waited with the kid until his family arrived and thought I would hang around to see the issue with the vehicle. The dad parks his truck, steps out, and I immediately speak. He speaks back, but he does not make eye contact with me. I knew the guy couldn't stand me, but I put on my best polite act to avoid compromising the working relationship with the kid. Within seconds of exiting his vehicle, Mad Max rushed and snatched the kid up, cursing him out and threatening to beat his ass. I do not remember everything this lunatic said because I was in shock. As I am standing there in shock, the mother turns to me, how much do we owe you for the shoes? I replied, what? You guys do not owe me anything. She replied we would like to pay for the shoes. 

I explained. Again, it is just equipment, and it is not a big deal. I said how about this moving forward, I would let you know of any equipment charges, and she agreed. After what appeared to be a resolution comes Mad Max again, "WHERE ARE THOSE SHOES?" Scared shitless, the kid says they are in the trunk. Mad Max begins to rumble around in the trunk and then leaves it alone. He goes back to working on the car but then back to the trunk, looking for the shoes again! At this point, I see he is everything I imagined him to be, belligerent, abusive, controlling, and cowardly, which are all triggers for me. He is bullying this kid, the mom is watching, and I have had enough.

I started to head to my car because I knew a monster was there that day, and it was not Mad Max. Had Mad Max:

• Thrown those shoes at me

• Made any threat against me

• Or acted like he wanted to hurt me

The real monster would have come out. It triggered me to the point that I had my first significant lupus flareup in years. I could barely eat and could not sleep without sedatives for two days. The PTSD I suffer from being abused as a child combined with not feeling well is a recipe for disaster for whoever is on the other side.

I knew the working relationship between the child and me was over because I and his pseudo-father would never be safe around each other. He thinks he wants a piece of me, and I know I want him too. Not surprisingly, he forbade the kid from ever speaking to me again. I did not get the full details of the rumors and false narratives he created about me, but I could gather that he made it seem that my generosity was because I had an ulterior motive. 

Mad Max is an insecure coward that has found a situation with a woman who is insecure and allows him to lead. She lets him raise her son even though that is her responsibility. She watches her husband do things to her son that she disagrees with, but she is not willing to challenge Mad Max in such a way that would lead to a blow-up over her son. Mad Max has a bad temper, and mama doesn't want it directed toward her, so her son gets the honor of being Mad Max's punching bag. 

Mad Max's toughness toward his stepson is coded as doing what it takes to raise him to be a man and keep him on the right path. He even has the kid convinced that the excessive rules and how he is treated are normal. The kid is on the right track. As a social psychologist who has worked in a behavioral center and regularly encounters people with personality disorders, I can concur that this is a normal, well-adjusted kid, which is surprising considering his home life. The stepdad has convinced the mother that her son requires correcting.

The truth is, he does not like her son and does not want to take care of him. His rudeness, aggressiveness, abusiveness, pettiness, and strictness are his way of letting off steam. The lack of consistent engagement with the kid reinforces many of these points. This man could not tell you any specific details about the boy's track goals, and he does not know the time he ran in his last race or even the best time he's ever run. He never attended a single training session nor asked me any questions about what our goals were. He never asked how he could help and are there any materials the kid needs. He never offered any payment, and when I initially met the family, explaining I would be working with the child, he did not show any interest.

Many women, especially Black women, foolishly think they are going to find a man who wants to be a father to their child; this is RARE. Most men only want you and consider taking care of a child who isn't theirs a burden. They initially pretend to be engaged, but over the years, the engagement wains, and they start to treat the kid like a stepchild, keyword for burden. Many kids hate their stepparents and go looking for their birth parents once they become of age for the exact reasons listed above. Everything Mad Max does for your child is forced. There is no joy. He treats your child as a bad kid when he actually is just a burden. Any other excuse is bullshit. He can't wait until your son is out of the house and he no longer must care for him.

I have no idea if anyone involved in the situation will ever read this blog. If it's the kid, I say at 18, set yourself free. If it's the mother, I say woman up, do what's right, or else you will lose your son. Don't allow an unstable, hateful ass man to ruin the relationship you have with your son. The lies only last so long, and eventually, he will figure out this man is full of shit. If it is the father, I say anytime child-abusing coward. 

If I never talk to the boy again, this is the message I had wished I could say to him when we were together. Do not take people's excuses for their behavior at face value. Do not accept any excuse for mistreating you. If it makes you feel afraid, it is not love. If there is no patience, it is not love. If they are quick to get angry, it is not love. If you know it is a lie; it is not love. Love is peace. Love is kindness. Love is respect. Love is truth. A kid afraid to call home for help does not live in a safe place.

A Man Amongst Wolves

It has been years since the last blow-up or attempt to eliminate you. Times of peace brings optimism that things have changed or at least could change. You may be thinking that no one could hold onto a petty grudge indefinitely, can they?🤔 You have assisted on a few things, and contrary to their disposition against you, evidence shows you have made life easier for all of them. Although you were not their first or even last choice, your integrity never wavered. In no way have you behaved underhanded or deceptively. 

However, during your bid, all the accusations made against you were not only false but were an actual representation of the lives and character of your accusers. Unannounced to you, their dislike for you is closer to hatred than it is indifference. Bygones are not bygones, and they tolerate you in the most superficial way. A one-dollar Hallmark card has kinder and more genuine words for you than your accusers can ever muster. You make them uncomfortable, and they resent you for that. The truths you share expose them, and they hate for that too.

These people cannot look you in the eye as they fear that you may know too much of what they have said about you. Making eye contact with you is not a risk they are willing to take, for the eyes are the gateway to the soul and are the best indicators that someone cannot stand you. Every embrace is awkward. Should you shake hands, hug or do each other a favor and leave it at hello, you just do not know. 

One thing is clear, even in their darkest moments when they are struggling to hold it together, they always remember one thing, and that is that they do not like you. Your experiences could be hurtful if you believe acceptance is necessary from the people you occasionally have to encounter. However, the same truth that got you outcasted is what you will need to keep living with the appropriate boundaries that have brought you thus far.

Remember my friend, one foot in front of the other. You have your own family that at least consists of a few people who love you. You are not a prophet nor a savior. Sometimes you know the answer or an effective remedy, but that does not mean you share it with everyone you meet. It is okay to leave people where you found them, even if that is the pits of hell. Stay true. Stay honest and carry on.

Let's Give Them Something to Talk About🤷🏾‍♂️

One thing that never fails is that my name is in someones' mouth, and my success and potential stay on their hearts. The fake and phony require pacemakers to make it through the night because my star shines bright like a diamond, while theirs has the luster of graphite. I have to pick up my pen AGAIN to address the latest episode of "I Love What you Have, but I Hate That you Have It. I have been called and accused of everything by the peanutless gallery. They sit and wait until nobody is looking to throw the rotten fruit that hangs from their pathetic trees. Full of hate, shade, and rage, but they never let me hear them. My only option is listening to what the not-so-bold, apparently cracked out, and no longer beautiful have to say about me via a third party. 

Here I am perplexed that I never get to face my accusers. The Lord knows I like a good fight, but I have grown, and I know how to keep my hands to myself, but my words, that is a different story. These words cut like Ginzu knives, filleting any coward that stands in my way. I am up today, and I am ready to play. You had your turn, and now I am about to tell you a sad story, your story. First, let us start with why I cannot see or hear you. That is right; you fools are hiding. You guys like to throw rocks and hide your hands as if we do not know who threw that weak shit. You did not even break a window when you threw.

You all stay cooped up in tiny houses and basements with the blinds shut. You guys take turns being victims, whining and crying as if the world owes you all something. If it were not for so and so, you would have achieved XYZ. You all lie to each other, claiming it is the world that got it wrong, and you all have it right. You all are supposed to be great but do not want to share the facts that refute those claims. Everything you guys have you got from going behind someone's back or laying on your backs. 

At 32, I have a story and a legacy. When I speak, people listen, and when they say they did not hear me, they heard me, and I know you guys heard me. My words have you pressed, scrambling trying to discredit me, but no one except a hater entertains those lies. I can go anywhere and stand in front of anyone and speak my mind. I do not have to play telephone, and if I do, I never call anonymously. When I swing, even if I miss, you will know it was me who did the swinging, and you better duck because, like a boomerang, it is coming back around. You cowards have such strong convictions in private about me but act like church mouses in public. Typical roaches, you all congregate in the dark and scatter at first sight of light. 

The line has been drawn in the sand. In other words, you all can kiss my ass, and I am off crutches now, still waiting for the unchosen one to follow through on the threats to kick my ass. I am not playing with you pitiful misfits anymore. In the future, you will know I do not like you, and you will know I do not fool with you. You all can keep saying my name, and that is okay; Charles is notarized. I am official, authentic, the real McCoy. You clowns are decoys, constantly forgetting which lie you just told to go with the lie from before. Any comparisons you make to me are blasphemous. Run my record. Run my credit. I have nothing to hide. There are no restrictions on where I can go or any exclusions regarding the age groups I can be around 🐸🍵. My income did not stop in December 2021 when the government said alright enough.

Keep bringing me up, and remember, I can counter each lie about me with a fact about you. Hell, word on the street, a few people in the crew looking like it is a hard-knock life and quiet as it is kept, the band keeps growing. I look ready for a night out, and more and more you all look like you are crossing the border. None of you are a match for me. As long as you care what people think and I do not give a damn, my arsenal will always outlast yours. I know sooooooooooooo much about you guys; you all have no idea. I know more about you than you "think" you know about me. I stay abreast because I am used to dealing with dumb muthafuckas but dumb muthafuckas are not used to dealing with me.

You are all too worried about appearances. I make appearances whenever and wherever I want. I do not need anyone to prop me up, hold my hand and fill me with liquid courage. I do not need a "we shall overcome" speech to start my day. I woke up like this, and I will sleep like this. Now, after over a decade, I have finally said something. Now is the appropriate time for you to have something to say about me. 

However, beware; this truthteller can last 12 rounds, and all the junk you think you can speak to "hurt" me has nothing to do with me. My hands are clean 👏🏾. You may have heard something, but you have not witnessed anything. And before you come for me trying to spill my beans, know that we can take it back to the '80s and start a comprehensive discussion about timelines and how we got to today. Word on the curb, the chastity belts were off. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll🤟🏾. Parting words, sweep around your own front door, do not try to sweep around mine. 

The Intersection Between Hyperfeminity and Hypermasculinity: Pick Your Poison!

I have been meaning to share my thoughts about the image of Black men for quite some time. Being raised by a woman and growing up around women, I am more than qualified to address the controversial representation of a Black man from a masculine and feminine perspective. Black men have it tough. The prevalence of absent fathers and lack of male role models has many Black men confused about who to be. As a result, Black boys often lean towards exaggerated representations of themselves. Black males' are subject to misguided developments that often produce hyperfeminine or hypermasculine men. 

It has always been a mystery to me how women see issues with hypermasculine men but empower hyperfeminine men. It is only fair that hyperfeminine men receive some analysis too. My hope is that after this blog individuals will see that hyperfeminine men can pose as much a threat to women as hypermasculine men. I argue that in some cases hyperfeminine men are more threatening and destructive because they are welcomed with open arms into spaces traditionally occupied by women. 

Strangely, some women willingly share the rights they fought like hell to receive with a man if he is willing to psychologically castrate himself and bask in a woman's point of view. There will be those that will reject my point of view but any individual who is willing, to be honest, knows that it is highly unlikely that a hypermasculine man can invade women's spaces without receiving a lashing for trying such an offense. 

Countless feminists have dedicated their lives to exposing the toxicity that comes from men who perpetuate what they call "toxic masculinity. Before unpacking what is a hyperfeminine male, I will start with the genesis of how a Black man becomes hyperfeminine in the first place. Hyperfeminine Black males develop in environments saturated in femininity, with Black mothers and or aunts serving as the primary influencers. In general, effeminate men usually grow up with sisters, female cousins and mainly befriend females outside of the home because their experiences inhibit their ability to connect with other guys. 

However, Black boys from feminized environments are not guaranteed to develop feminine mannerisms or a woman's mindset. But, most men who develop in feminized environments are more in tune with their emotions and can read women's emotions, making them great companions to women if they can distinguish themselves from women. We will talk more about that later. The dividing line that indicates whether Black boys from feminized environments will adopt a feminine mindset is whether they buy into the feminine perspective. 

On the other side, Black boys raised by women may unconsciously reject the feminine perspective and adopt a masculine mindset. The boys that follow this path see more value in being like other males, and they grow up with an imagined masculine experience to replace the lack of male representation in their lives. Unfortunately, an imagined masculine experience leads boys to exaggerate their manhood by doubling down on all things they perceive to be masculine. Eventually, repeated attempts to live up to the ideal male can create hypermasculine personalities. Most Black men who were not raised by their fathers will to some degree, struggle with their identities. In some cases, this encourages males to become womanizers, to compensate for their feelings of inadequacy.

The reverse of the womanizer pathway is the male that cannot distinguish himself from women. He may act effeminate, but often he does not. This boy considers it acceptable for a woman to take care of him. He tends to compete with women for importance, has similar attitudes and entitlements commonly seen in women. He has little interest in being a provider. He is a selfish lover and thinks more about himself than his children and likely anyone outside his mother. 

These boys adopt the "if mama is not happy, then no one is" approach to how they reign in their households. They are a perfect combination of entitlement, victimhood, emotional instability, childishness, and passive-aggressiveness. In general, these self-centered boys will bounce from one woman to the next, always ending up with a woman willing to self-degrade to take care of them.  Women that take care of grown men tend to have low self-esteem and daddy issues of their own. 

These men tend to have a few unique qualities: they always come back home, they are charming and probably attractive. They are not going anywhere because their women provide them with all they need (e.g., entertainment, sex, and funding their delusional dreams). They can be charming to ensure no one detects their real motives. Furthermore, they depend on their good looks like a Jezebel, who seeks out men to take care of her. By now, you can see in what way these men are effeminate. It is not in their mannerisms but their thought processes and expectations to be cared for. One thing about gender roles is that their absurdity is most notable when men and women switch roles. 

Now, I will explain the guy that is effeminate through his mannerisms. There are two categories for men with external feminine characteristics. One guy is effeminate only by mannerisms, and the other is womanly from the inside out and is likely gay or identifies as transgender to avoid having to admit he is gay. One size does not fit all, but too often, this is the case. Men that only act feminine through external characteristics does so unconsciously. There are a variety of ways this can happen. Some boys were emasculated by their mothers, abused by either parent, or violated in some way.  

Some parents unconsciously break their children like a horse breeder breaks his horses. Breaking a boy is particularly harmful because it can cause insecurities regarding his ability to grow into a man. When young boys are scared and do not feel strong, they are likely to cling harder to their mothers and, will over time, develop mothers' ways. Another way a boy can develop feminine mannerisms is when he never could bond with his father. Failure to bond with his father can send him back to his mother to seek validation. A mother being the sole validating force in a boy's life can lead to devastating consequences for the child's development.

In many cases, the child rejects himself, which includes his masculine inheritance. Because he has no conscious intentions or desires to be like a woman, he can still develop a male's mindset by adopting a masculine mentality no different from the overcompensating males discussed earlier. However, because our mannerisms and ways we connect and relate to people have formed by five, it may be too late for a child to develop the essence of a man. He may spend his life feeling he does not measure up to other males.

Now, the individuals who adopt a woman's essence and mindset can have gone through any of the things I discussed. However, the significant differences are that they are conscious and often purposely act like women. The other significant difference is that these children have endured trauma. Their demeanors and mentalities are trauma responses. They are acting out like a girl whose mother or peers refer to her as a whore, and as a result, she becomes just that. These boys growing into men can come across resentful, at times hateful, and may purposely present themselves in ways they know will get an adverse reaction. They are not at peace with themselves, therefore, the world. They rarely recover from the trauma and live in a world full of women, which for them is secretly depressing. 

The influx of Black women willing to glorify men acting out stereotypical depictions of women is concerning. To pat on the back a Black male perpetrating as a woman makes many Black women complicit in helping men destroy themselves which further reveals that a mother who is present can be even worse than a father who is not.  Ironically, these same women will complain about the shortage of good men while at the same time feminizing their sons and teaching their daughters how to become emasculating terrors in their own right.  A man portraying himself as a woman is not a cause of celebration; it is a tragedy. 

The friendship between many Black women and wannabe women, men, is an impossibility. Their union is rooted in brokenness that translates through the darkness. Not only are they not friends, they actually are enemies. A person cannot envy you and love you at the same time as demonstrated by the tragic death of Selena Quintanilla. Many men who think and live like women are why a down-low culture exists for so-called straight men to visit. 

To clarify, womens' male gal pals, are screwing their men, laughing in their faces while reminding them during confrontations that gay boys do it better. I cannot count how many times a Black woman and a gay man have got together to frolic over the rumors and suspicions that a married man, pastor, or highly recognized individual is being outed for being on the down-low. By the way, outing someone in the gay community is supposed to be a no-go. Nevertheless, they celebrate outed mens' downfalls like a kid who sinks his opponents' ship in a game of Battleship. The question I have is, so what did you all win? The truth is, it is just miserable frenemies brought together by the one thing they have in common, the men they want do not want them.

Let us recap this foolishness: a man wishes he was a woman so much that he would be willing to sleep with a man who supposedly belongs to another woman he claims is his friend. This same man would do this knowing a relationship with a down-low man will never materialize beyond private hook-ups. They could never be together because the man identifies as straight probably has a wife and kids and no one is supposed to know they have any association. 

These gay men are rarely being paid for their services. In many cases, they are honored to be with a "straight" man because it is as close to masculinity as many of these self-proclaimed queens will get. Since they cannot beat them, they will join them in whatever way they can. They are solely participating for the experience and to, for a moment, have what their girl pals have. 

The fact that a gay man will bypass every available gay man to be involved with a man he can never have suggests the "sisterhood" is false. When one takes a step back and considers the structure of the down-low, they will realize that a gay man that sleeps with a so-called straight man is selling his soul. A gay man that lies with a "straight" guy that is too ashamed to acknowledge their experience together probably hates himself. It makes you call into question gay pride; it appears that for some, it is all smoke and mirrors.🤔 

Emotional Retards

It has been a while since I wrote anything. My return to blogging comes with new inspiration and a new direction. I am not abandoning my previous blogs, but the current space I am in warrants a new designation for the raw and unfiltered pieces I will be writing. My new blog, titled Diary of a Mad Black Man, is not an attempt to establish some alter ego that people refer to when they want to be braver. I do not lack bravery, but I do lack patience for foolery. One can consider this blog my attempt to release steam or what some may call frustration😅. My experiences have taught me it is best to write my thoughts down than acting them out as an emotional retard. Unfortunately, I must admit that this rawer unfiltered blog is the more authentic me. I do not consider myself a bad person, but I am not much of a nice person either. Most days, I would prefer to tell someone to go to hell than to say hello or offer a backhand instead of a helping hand. Basically, when the serenity prayer has failed me, I am more likely to write under my Diary of a Mad Black Man blog. Now that we have dotted our I's and crossed our T's, let us dive in. 

Throughout my life, I have been overly exposed to emotional retards. These are individuals who emotionally vomit🤮 on the people around them. Their inability to control their emotions, to set and respect boundaries makes them unsafe people. They will tell you anything to get what they want. However, one cannot fault these retards too much because, as with most retarded people, they do not know they are retarded. Their ignorance sets them free to travel around✈️, destroying one life after another. One may ask the question, how does a person become an emotional retard. Emotional retards are not born. They are creations and, in many cases, groomed by their emotionally retarded parent(s). These individuals tend to grow up in homes where their emotional needs are not met, or an immature, probably narcissistic parent stunts their emotional development.

My first exposure to an emotionally retard was my bible-thumping, false prophet sperm donor father, who we will refer to as Senior. Oh yes, I forgot. With this blog, I will be drawing lines in the sand. I am purposely making sure that certain bridges are burned down for good. And if you are a hater that always reads my shit but never comments and acts like you do not keep track of what I am doing, send Senior a copy for me. You messy little 🤬. If at any time you are directly referenced by anything I write under this blog, it means you are dead to me. And if you are mad, repent because you know you are guilty. Ask God to forgive you for the fraudulence that summarizes your existence. Gone are the days of protecting our abusers. 

I know you probably sense I am mad at Senior, but I am not. Really, I am not mad at Senior. It just so happens that Senior is the genesis of my exposure to an emotional retard. A case study this good going on sixty years is more than worthy of a blog, but this is not solely about Senior. I am writing for all the emotional retards around the world. Lighters up because this is your day. Another disclaimer🛑, if anything I say offends you, stop reading because it might get worse. Now back to regularly scheduled programming. Senior, yes, he never developed emotions past the age of six. He was once a victim of harsh unfortunate circumstances. It was not Senior's fault he became an emotional retard. 

Once upon a time, he was a victim before he started collecting bodies of his own. Senior like most emotional retards are trapped in a place in time when their emotions never fully developed. Poor guy did not learn how to cope as a child and appropriately manage his feelings. As a result, Senior unconsciously decides that he will get married, start a family, and dump his emotional baggage on his wife and children. Senior was no ordinary womanizer and deadbeat dad. Senior was ambitious. He was called by the almighty God himself to lead his people to salvation. Yes, this preacher at day, abuser come evening and adulterer by night made a career out of being the opposite of everything he preached. Senior's constant need for admiration and praise everywhere he preached was his way of filling emotional deficits from a childhood that left him starving for love and validation. The church became his sandbox.

Sadly, our little emotional retard never would face his demons, so he became them. Emotional retards like Senior do not take responsibility for their actions, and they are always too busy blaming the world and everyone else for not giving them a fair chance. People like Senior think they are special, and the rules do not apply to them. For emotional retards, logic comes secondary to whatever they are feeling in that moment. Once they have screwed you over, they search their minds looking for a way to say their behavior is someone else's fault. When they cannot find someone to blame, they then develop fantom illnesses to explain why they behaved so poorly. "Something was wrong with my heart." "I was going through a depression. "I was fighting for my life." "I did not know what was happening." "I thought someone else would help. 😩" 

They search everywhere for an excuse for inexcusable behavior. One of their favorite lines is "that was the past." Emotional retards are notorious for making promises they cannot keep, and they seem to think that if they mean it at the time, that will suffice for future shortcomings.😑 Waiting for an emotional retard to grow up is like watching a hamster in a wheel, and only a few grow up. Emotional retards are wounded soldiers. They lost a battle that began in their early developmental years. Santa never came, daddy likely did not either, or he probably was drunk if he did. Whatever the circumstance, these wounded warriors never entered the grievance phase to facilitate moving on from past childhood traumas. 

Emotional retards will continue to fight old battles they already lost. Their childhood is over, but the kid in them is not having it. The parental dysfunction that conquered emotional retards like Senior is long gone, retired, or even in some cases, dead.🤷🏾‍♂️ However, the wounded warriors still want to fight. With no relevant opponent, these professional victims fight whoever is around them, usually their "loved" ones. Individuals tend to endure the recklessness of these warriors because they see them as stable beings, capable of rational behavior. However, as in the case of Senior, he rides the little bus.

The careless parent(s) that raise emotional retards do not guide their children and teach them how to regulate their emotions. Much like teaching a child how to clean themselves, children need to be trained to identify what they feel appropriately. Children then must be taught how to cope with unfortunate and adverse experiences. They should be instructed on the importance of letting go and moving on. Also, they should be encouraged to remember the terrible feelings they experienced so that they do not further inflict that pain on themselves and, more importantly, everybody else. Lastly, they should be taught that the world does not owe them anything. Unfortunately, emotional retards are not likely to acquire the tools to overcome emotional retardation. It is up to us to stop enabling them and stop protecting them. I just outed one. Now, it is your turn...

Enough is Enough: Sexual Orientation and Race are not Similarly Constructed

We live in a time where truthtellers are being bullied and overwhelmed by nothing more than inspired, wishful thinking. For too long, the subject of sexual orientation having the same genetic origins as race has gone unchecked but not today. The final straw should have been a long time ago, but with attempts to merge the civil rights and gay rights movement, now it is time to speak up. This writing is in no way an attack on the gay community or an attempt to diminish what the movement is trying to do.

Instead, this blog serves the purpose to clear up what is at times misunderstandings and, at other times, propaganda to push the gay rights agenda through. The gay rights agenda does need a home, but it needs its own home. Attempts to hijack civil rights offer support to unfounded claims by gay rights activists. As a doctor who has received formal education concerning human personality and human sexuality, it would be dishonest not to bring to the forefront what man really knows about human sexuality.

Unlike race, there are no genetic markers that predetermine what an individual's sexual orientation will be before birth. At best, similar to temperament, some research suggests that individuals are more likely to develop a particular sexual orientation based on environmental conditions. Basically, the most influential single predictor for sexual orientation is how individuals adapt to their environment. Distinguishing this fact is crucial because it eliminates unsubstantiated claims individuals make, such as I was born this way.

Individuals are born with a predetermined gender, race, temperament, and physical characteristics. However, no research supports sexual orientation as being one of those characteristics, which supports why gay rights need to remain separate and no longer receive comparisons to race, which is 100% genetically determined. The comparison is dishonest and is being used to manipulate individuals who do not know the scientific literature.

Equality is essential but should not be gained by spreading falsehoods. Although this opinion may be controversial, the truth is that the gay rights movement is primarily a high emotionally driven movement inspired more by individual values systems than anything scientific. The feelings, desires, and emotions are real, but they are just that. The group does not deserve to encounter discrimination for their fight for what they perceive as their rights, but the science to compare the battle to race is not there.

Race is entirely different than sexual orientation. Race is a stable characteristic. From a genetic standpoint, race cannot be altered or changed in any way. Race precedes any conscious awareness and has no natural disguise. As evidenced by the complex nature of human sexual practices, sexual orientation is not entirely stable. Individuals can claim one orientation one day and another direction the next. Race also inescapably categorizes individuals. Once the birth certificate is filled out, the category sticks, and individuals cannot distance themselves from their race for acceptance or economic gain.

Refusal to separate an attribute such as race, which is backed by science from highly political and emotionally supercharged sexual orientations, impedes the rights of the individuals the civil rights movement intends to protect. Squeezing in gay rights in the civil rights movement can make it easier to deny Blacks of their rights further. Many gays are White males and are not exempt from the White male privilege experienced by heterosexual males. Furthermore, one cannot say with absolute certainty that gay males will not conceal their sexual orientations for social or economic gain, which is something Blacks cannot do.