I cannot count the people who told me I should contact you and tell you that you were wrong about me. I did make it in college, and I do not just have one degree to show for it, I have four. Not only did I match you, but I also surpassed you and your children too. As good as you may think, it makes me feel to say that it does not. To be honest, I could care less. I admit that initially, your words scared the hell out of me. Because you were a teacher, I believed that you had to know something.
When I began college, I was paranoid. I felt confident in the other subjects except for the class you taught, English. You told me my writing was not good enough, and I would not make it in college. When I asked you to help me, you looked at me awkwardly and said, you do not know where to start. I assumed that college professors would be less helpful, so I acquainted myself with the writing center before being assigned my first essay. Everything I wrote I took to the writing center until one day, the tutor who was also a professor told me that I do not need to keep coming to see him.
I was confused. How is it that a college professor told me that I do not need extra help with my writing, but my high school English teacher told me the situation was hopeless? I stopped going to the writing center, but I still was not sure who to believe. Eventually, my grades spoke for themselves. Every English class I took ended in an A, but I was still insecure.
Nevertheless, I was mainly happy to have gotten through it. My writing continued to improve with each degree I earned. By the time I finished my Ph.D., my writing had evolved. In casual conversation, I would mention how surprised I am that I earned a Ph. D., considering that my high school English teacher told me I would not make it in college. Most people were shocked; that was what you said to me and advised me to let you know that I made it.
As I stated before, I no longer cared. It was not until I became a teacher and observed students struggling; I realized that many students were struggling with self-fulling prophecies. I learned this by asking students about their experiences in school, There was one student that stood out to me. She failed the same math class three times. I suspected that she went into the classroom with a defeated mindset, and I was determined to figure out why. "Has anyone ever told you that you are stupid," I asked.
Immediately, she broke down in tears and said yes, her mother and her sister. I told her she could not pass the math class because she believes she is stupid. Approaching each math class with that belief made it impossible for her to learn freely. She had formed a mental block that could only be removed by replacing the old belief with new information, that she can do it. After talking extensively about the situation, she gave the class another try, and that time she passed.
As if the student's negative experiences were not sad enough, I learned something else that left my spirit feeling unsettled. A special guest speaker shared a personal story where he overheard an educator stating he would never be anything, but this was not the worst of it. The speaker did some research and decided to test out what he learned on us. He said, "stand up if somebody has ever told you that you were never going to be anything." As he expected, an overwhelming number of Black males stood up.
It turns out Black males often are told they will never amount to anything. I realized after completing my Ph.D. and reflecting on my journey, although I am unbothered by your words, some students are damaged by them. I write this letter on their behalf, to let them know that what you and people like you have to say does not matter. They are more powerful than they know, and when belief, hard work, and opportunity are combined, they can achieve anything. Whether you were held back a grade, have a learning disability or an IEP, use your resources to the max, and remember you are only in competition with yourself.
